Halloween With The Brigade 2
by 7MukuroRealm7
Summary: Last year, they had a halloween party.  This year, they have a haunted house.  Kyon will have to face monster zombies, mobsters, horror-obsessed aliens, the Anti-SOS Brigade, and worst of all, Haruhi Suzumiya.  Let's all give him our support, shall we?
1. Chapter 1

Mukuro: Wow, it's been a while since I wrote for the Haruhi section. Well, this is my second Haruhi Halloween story, and I hope this one goes over better!

Halloween with the Brigade 2

Chapter 1: A Dangerous Idea

* * *

"Kyon, you realize that Halloween is coming up, right?" Haruhi asked, looking out the window of the brigade room.

"Yes." I said, moving my rook up three spaces. "Just promise me that we won't hold another Halloween Party in my house."

"Come on now Kyon! We're not doing any of that sissy stuff anymore! That's all last years stuff!" Haruhi shouted, standing up on the brigade chief table she was sitting on.

I don't like where this is going. I moved my king back a space. That jerk is playing aggressively for once, damn it!

"This year, we're going to host a haunted house!" Haruhi shouted, smiling.

"Wh-what?" I spluttered, choking on my tea. "A haunted house?" Is she insane?

Never mind.

I glanced over at Asahina-san, who was fidgeting around. I'm glad I'm not the only one with mixed feelings about this…

I then turned to Nagato. Of course, she wasn't doing much of anything besides reading.

"Check." Koizumi said, smiling. Damn. I need to pay attention

"So, Kyon, what do you think about it?" Haruhi asked, sticking her face in front of mine. Gah! She needs to stop doing that…

"Well, um… I don't think… Um…" I glanced at Koizumi, mentally signaling him to tell her how bad of an idea it was.

"Suzumiya-san, I think that's a wonderful idea." Koizumi said, smiling. Way to leave me out to dry, you traitor. Well, it's not like I didn't expect that after all this time.

"Great! Then we're all in agreement!" Haruhi said, smiling. I might be wrong, but I don't think you and Koizumi is the equivalent of everyone.

She then stood on top of her table again, and held up her fist.

"Get ready SOS Brigade! In just seven days, we'll make the best haunted house in the world!" Haruhi proclaimed, with a beaming smile.

God help me. (rather ironic...)

* * *

"Ahahaha! Your rights Haru-chan! That's a megas great idea, nyoro!" Tsuruya-san said, walking into the brigade room. Why does Haruhi have to call her every time we do something? "And I knows the megas greatest persons to helps us with the haunteds house!"

"No, that's alright, Tsuruya-san. We don't need to bring Hiruko into this." I said.

"Hiruko? No, I wasn't talkings about Hiruko, but now that yous mentions it, that woulds be a megas great idea!" Tsuruya-san said, smiling. Damn it, Kyon, keep your damn mouth shut.

"So, who were you talking about?" Haruhi asked.

"Oh, a friends of mines, Emiri Kimidori!" Tsuruya-san said, smiling.

"How can Kimidori-san help?" Haruhi asked.

"Oh, she megas likes all those horrors movies! She collects thems by the box full!"

"Is that right?" I asked, looking Nagato.

"It is…" Nagato said, nodding, not even looking up from her novel.

"Never would have seen that coming." I said.

"I'll ask her to loans us some DVDs to watch!" Tsuruya said, laughing.

"Good idea!" Haruhi said, smiling.

"Alright, we can also find some equipment to make the stuff we need at Hirukos' Store! Kyon, you and Koizumi can go there to pick everything up." Haruhi said, turning to us.

"How exactly are we supposed to get there?" I asked. "All I have is my bike."

"Then you can use that." She then turned towards Koizumi. "Koizumi, you need to stay behind for a while so I can tell you everything we need. Kyon, you go on ahead."

* * *

"Damn it…" I muttered under my breath, walking down the long, winding hill to where my bike was parked. "It looks like it's going to rain…"

I managed to make it to the store before the rain started, only to run into… Koizumi?"

"Koizumi? What are you doing here? How'd you get here?" I asked.

"Oh, it looked like it was going to rain, so I asked Arakawa-san to drop me off." Koizumi said, smiling.

Bastard.

"Alright, Kyon! It's about time you got here!" Hiruko said, walking out of the back room. "Koizumi's been here a while."

"I realize that." I said.

"Alright, I've got everything you might need for the haunted house, as well as everything that Haruhi ordered. I've got it all packed up in the back, so when you're ready you can leave."

"Where's your assistant, that girl…?" I asked, looking around.

"Oh, she's with my other assistant, Mukurou. The two of them are collecting the rest of the stuff." Hiruko said. "They took the truck, so it'll be a while before you can leave. Browse as much as you want, though."

"Hey, how much for these eyeballs?" I asked, picking up a bag-full of squishy eyeballs.

"2000 yen." Hiruko said, smiling.

"2000 yen for these things? What, are they real?" I asked, staring at Hiruko, who turned his head the other way.

"Ugh…" I said, tossing the eyeball bag back into the box it came from. "What else you got?"

"Well, I've got some of these guts, a lot of fingers, some of those heads that pop out of the cans…" Hiruko said, rambling off the list of things the shop had.

"My guess is that they're real to." I said.

"…"

"What do you get them on the black market or something?" I asked, staring at Hiruko, who turned his head the other way.

"And we've also got a limited offer of three machetes for the price of one!" Hiruko said, picking up a machete blade.

"What's so great about this?" Koizumi asked.

"Well, look at the light reflecting off this blade." Hiruko said, holding it up. "Just one look will tell you that we use quality stee- I mean, we use fine grade plastic with several coats of wax and varnish, to give you that real blade look."

"I caught that." I said, staring at Hiruko, who turned his head the other way.

"Hey! Hiruko! I got that blood for you!" His assistant, Eve, said, walking in, carrying a large vat of red liquid.

"You have no idea how many cows I had to-" She then saw us. "I mean, you have no idea how many stores I had to go to buy all this."

"Ah, Eve. It's about time you two got here!" Hiruko said, smiling. "I was just telling our guests how I bought all the things for our store!"

"Are you sure? You know what 'the man' says about that sort of thing." Eve said.

"Uncle Hiruko!" An annoyingly high voice said. "Eve was being mean to me!" The owner of the high pitched voice walked into the store. It was a kid about the size of my sister, wearing an oversized white jacket. He also had a large floppy hat over his blonde hair, and a sad expression on his face.

"Really? What did she do?" Hiruko asked.

"She wouldn't let me drive." The boy said.

"Mukurou, you're eleven." Hiruko said.

"So? Those are just rules that 'the man' set for us." Mukurou said.

"Good point. You can drive next time. Anyways, right now, I need the two of you to load everything in the back room into the truck! We've got a great job ahead of us!"

"How much will this stuff cost?" I asked.

"Kyon, why must you always talk about money?" Koizumi asked.

"Well, in most cases it turns out I have to pay for it out of my own pocket." I said.

"No exception this time." Hiruko said, walking by with a box of random stuff. "With the amount this stuff costs it should be enough to put Mukurou through to a good college and have enough left to host a great wedding for his children."

"In other words…" I asked, trying to clarify what it was he was saying.

"In other words, your entire college fund, plus a little extra." Hiruko said, smiling.

Damn.

* * *

Mukuro: So, how is this first chapter? I hope it'll be better than the last one. I will update this story every day until halloween!

Mukuro Out.


	2. Chapter 2

Mukuro: Chapter 2 is up! Now, we'll make the haunted house! No reviews? Aw...

Halloween with the Brigade 2

Chapter 2: Construction and Visualization

* * *

"Alright, now that we've got all the materials to make our haunted house, let's get started with the construction!" Haruhi said, smiling.

"Okay, where do you propose we build the haunted house?" I asked. "If we don't have a location, should we just call it quits?"

"Well, there's an old, vacant lot a ways away." Koizumi said, smiling. "We can build it there."

Is it your goal in life to ruin my plans, jerk?

"Good idea, Koizumi!" Haruhi said, smiling.

"Okay, Haru-chan! I'ves gots the DVDs, nyoro!" Tsuruya-san said, walking into the SOS Brigade room, holding a box filled to the brim with horror paraphernalia.

"Okay, we've got 'It', that was a scary one, 'The Exorcist', 1-3, oh, the whole Higurashi series, on DVD! Haven't seen those yet! Alright, more Stephen King, and also a few R. L. Stine books, we should look through those, and yep, that's about it!" Haruhi said, reading through the books.

"So, shouldn't we go about moving all this equipment down to the lot?" I asked.

"Ah, yeah. That would be your job." Haruhi said, pointing at me, flipping through one of the books.

You're not serious.

"Oh, and to save time, only do it in one trip."

You're really not serious.

"Just ask Koizumi. I'm sure he'll tell you how to get there."

You are serious, damn it!

"Oh, Tsuruya-san, be sure to thank Kimidori-san for me, okay?" Haruhi asked.

"You gots it, Haru-chans!" Tsuruya-san said, smiling.

* * *

Well, now that I've hauled all the stuff over here on a large pull cart, my back's just about broken, so I'm going to take a break.

At that moment, my bitch of a cell phone had to ring. I saw the caller ID as Haruhi, and just as I was about to refuse the call, I remembered her reaction last time I tried. I'm not ready to die yet.

"What?" I asked.

"Kyon, go pick up the lumber." Haruhi said.

"Wait, what?" I asked. "Did I here that right? You want me to go pick up the lumber? Are you sure this isn't a bad connection?"

"Of course not. Go get it."

"Where?" I asked.

"Questions, questions! That's all I get from you!"

"Click. Bee bee bee…"

Maybe because you don't give me more specific orders. More importantly, where the hell does she want me to go to buy enough lumber to build a house?

"What do you want?" Haruhi shouted into the phone.

"You didn't tell me where to go get the lumber." I said.

"At Hiruko's store! Where else?"

"Click. Bee bee bee…"

Of course.

"Hello, welcome to our store! How can I help you?" Hiruko asked, smiling.

"I'm here for the lumber Haruhi ordered." I said.

"Oh, it's in the back. I'll go get it." Hiruko said, walking into the back room, and after about ten minutes walked back through.

"Okay, I moved everything outside. You can go pick it up." Hiruko said, smiling.

"Alright, can I borrow your truck?"

"Sorry, no." Hiruko said, smiling.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Well, we've got a little problem with the engine." Hiruko said, gesturing towards where I assumed the garage was.

Suddenly, a deafening explosion rang out from the store garage.

"Damn it! The gas tank just blew!" I heard from behind the door.

"Make that a big problem." Hiruko said, smiling.

"Oh my god, the fire's spreading to all those stacked out piles of wood in the back!" A female voice shouted.

"Cash or check?" Hiruko asked, smiling.

* * *

In the end, we agreed on a compromise. Hiruko would handle delivery for the wood, along with giving me a bargain, and I promised not to sue his store for arson and reckless endangerment. For once, I'm glad Koizumi is one of my friends. Of course, he got a ride and I didn't.

"Kyon, what took you so long?" Haruhi shouted when I finally arrived at the lot. "The sun's already going down!"

"Can we just get this over with?" I asked.

"Alright! For construction, I've decided to consult a special person when it comes to construction of horror scenes." Haruhi said, smiling.

"Who?" I asked.

"Ms. Emiri Kimidori!" Haruhi said, stepping back to reveal the petite green haired girl who I'd only met once or twice.

"H-hello…" She said, smiling.

"Are you sure? Shouldn't we be reviewing the movies first?" I asked.

"Oh, don't worry, Kyon." Haruhi said, smiling. "Your sister's doing that."

"WHAT?" I exclaimed.

"Geez, I'm kidding." Haruhi said. "With Kimidori-san here, we won't need the movies."

"So what was the point of asking for the movies?" I asked. Why do I even bother?

"Well, I wanted to see which ones she had, and see if I could borrow some of them. Of course, most of them are in English." Haruhi said.

"So, how should we arrange this?" I asked Kimidori-san.

"Well, those two friends of yours have just finished laying the foundations, so let me show you." Kimidori-san said, stepping down onto the square of earth made by the boards. "All we'll need after that is to poor in the concrete."

"And a building permit. Anybody remember that?" I asked.

"Right here!" Haruhi said, handing me a permit that read:

"I can build here by order of Haruhi Suzumiya, Chief of the SOS Brigade."

Yeah. That's going to work.

"Alright, so here will be the entry room." Kimidori-san said, walking around the first square. "On the roof, we'll have dripping blood down on people. I just can't believe that you got such realistic blood." She placed her hand in the red liquid, then pulled it out.

"Tsuruya-san, how did you find blood this realistic?" Kimidori-san asked Tsuruya-san, who turned the other way.

"Well, anyways, this will also have the first few dead bodies in it. I must admit, these look great. They even smell bad! Tsuruya-san, how did you do it?" Kimidori-san asked Tsuruya-san, who turned the other way.

"Well, anyways, we should get to work on this!" Haruhi said, smiling. "Kyon, you and your stooges get work! And no going home until you're done!"

"Can we at least see your final design to know what to build?" I asked.

"No. Get to work." Haruhi ordered. "And if you do it wrong, you'll do the whole thing over!"

"Don't be so unreasonable!" I shouted to her.

"I'm the Brigade Chief!" Haruhi shouted back. "I can be as unreasonable as I want!"

Damn.

* * *

Mukuro: Poor Kyon. He can never catch a break. He'll probably be dead by the time this story's over. (Hint, hint)

Mukuro Out.


	3. Chapter 3

Mukuro: So, Haruhi decides to go shopping for some other props. This should be interesting.

Halloween with the Brigade 2

Chapter 3: Suzumiya's Expensive Shopping Trip

* * *

"Alright, girls!" Haruhi said, smiling. "While the boys are working hard at building the haunted house, the three of us will go look for more stuff!"

"B-but shouldn't we be helping Kyon and the others…?" Mikuru asked.

"Silly Mikuru." Haruhi said, smirking. "The way of the fairer sex is to make the men do their bidding, or something like that…"

"W-what?" Mikuru asked.

"Haru-chan is right, Mikuru-chan!" Tsuruya said, smiling. "Taking advantage of boys is the way to go, nyoro!"

"W-well, I guess…" Mikuru said, looking down.

"Then it's decided!" Haruhi said, smiling.

* * *

"Alright, ladies." Haruhi said, looking up at the enormous mall that had been conveniently added to the town for story purposes. "This is the number one bargain shop, called Stores-R-Us. This is the haven for every teenager with nothing better than hanging around being jerks."

"Wow…" Tsuruya said, looking around. "This place has everythings, nyoro!"

"Alright, let's look for everything we can!" Haruhi said, smiling. "Kimidori, you take the videos and games section!"

Emiri couldn't contain her smile.

"Yuki, you take electronics, Mikuru, you take clothing, Tsuruya, you check foods, while I sit here and don't do anything like a brigade chief should." Haruhi said, smiling.

"Wait a second…" Mikuru said, but the rest of them had already gone their separate ways.

* * *

"Hello, welcome to Bed Bath & Beyond. How can we help you?" The woman at the register of the store Mikuru walked into first asked.

"Um… I'm looking for something for a haunted house…" Mikuru said, shaking.

"Oh, that would be in the 'Beyond' section. In the back, through those doors." The woman said, smiling.

"Okay." Mikuru said, as she walked to the back of the store, and opened the doors.

What happened next is so unbelievably strange I can't describe it. Mikuru was dragged through a world of theorems and monsters, pulled down into a pit of swirling nothingness. She was dragged from one dimension to the next, before finally arriving at the door. She floated through the door, and collapsed on the ground.

"Never again…" Mikuru gasped, crying.

* * *

"Well, we meet again." Emiri said, staring up at the manga shop. "I must resist… Must… resist… Oh screw it." Emiri ran into the store in .03 seconds.

"So, what are you reading?" Emiri asked a short girl with blue hair.

"Nothing much. Just a new volume of *****." The girl said, not taking her eyes off the book.

"Oh, they have a new volume?" Emiri asked, scanning the bookshelves, before finally finding the book she was looking for.

"You know…" The girl said, finally looking up from her book. "You look like a minor character I saw once on "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya." Watch it much?"

"M-minor character?" Emiri asked, shaking.

"Yeah." The girl said, nodding. "Her name was Emiri something-or-other. She was in one episode, and only had a few lines of dialogue. They didn't even put her in the Haruhi-Chan show. They replaced her with a balloon animal."

"B-balloon…" Emiri said, shaking more.

"Anyways, I'm Konata Izumi." The girl said, sticking out her hand. "What's your name?"

But Emiri had already fainted.

* * *

"Wow, so this is the food court, nyoro!" Tsuruya-san said, looking around. "It's megas better than I imagineds it!"

"Smoked cheese contest!" A voice called out. "Whoever can eat the most smoked cheese wins a years supply of free smoked cheese!"

In the end there were only two entries.

"Well, well, well." Tsuruya said, staring across the table at the maid who was facing her. "It seems we come face to face at long last."

"Yes." Mori-san said, smiling. "I know I shouldn't eat smoked cheese, but it's so delicious…"

"Well, we'll settle this with a smoked cheese eating contest." Tsuruya said, smiling. "Bring it on!"

"Well, if you do insist." Mori-san said, smiling.

"Here is your cheese." The waiter said, placing the cheese in front of the two. "Begin!"

* * *

"So, this is the electronic store…" Nagato said, looking around. "Interesting…"

"Hey, young lady, can we interest you in our new model of computer?" A salesman said, walking up to her. "Just take a look at this design."

Nagato was escorted to a computer, where she looked over its' details slowly.

"Use of manual maneuvering apparatus is unnecessary. Computing speed is only 3749 bytes per second, and data storage only has maximum storage space for 400923 gigabytes. In all, it is a far from stellar, almost primitive, machine." Nagato said.

"I… I see…" The salesman said, utterly shocked.

"I shall begin with data improvement procedure." Nagato said, typing away at the keyboard, at a blinding speed. In a matter of seconds, the computer was completely improved into being the most efficient computer in the world.

"I shall purchase it." Nagato said, taking the model and placing it in the storage box, before walking over to the register.

"Your total comes to 30,000 yen." The cashier said, smiling.

"Wire the money from this account." Nagato said, giving the woman an account number.

"I'm sorry, ma'am." The cashier said, after about a minute. "But there doesn't seem to be any money in this account."

"Let me see that." Nagato said, typing a little. Suddenly, a 1 with zeroes off the screen appeared.

"I see…" The woman said, wiring the money.

* * *

"W-what's going on?" Mikuru asked. Somehow she had been dragged on top of a pedestal, placed in a maid outfit, and people around her taking photographs of her.

"Please, stop!" Mikuru exclaimed.

"It's not fair…" Emiri said, sitting balled up in a in the corner. "I'm a good person… Why am I not a major character?"

"Hey, are you okay?" Konata asked.

"So full…" Tsuruya said, laying on the floor, bloated, while Mori-san received her certificate.

"Nyoron…"

Nagato looked at the computer screen, watching an eroge.

"Interesting…" Nagato said, her eyes moving over the screen.

* * *

"Alright, so how did everything go?" Haruhi asked, looking at the four of them.

"Sorry, we couldn't find anything." He group said as one.

"Darn it…" Haruhi muttered.

* * *

Mukuro: So, chapter three is done.

Mukuro Out


	4. Chapter 4

Mukuro: Kyon needs to finish up the house, but is that even realistic?

Halloween with the Brigade 2

Chapter 4: Kyon's Big Date

* * *

"Kyon, you're still not done?" Haruhi asked, staring at the not-even-close-to-finished house.

"How the hell am I supposed to be done after two days?" I shouted down from where I was standing on one of the beams.

"Yuki, do you think you can help Kyon?" Haurhi asked.

"Affirmative." Nagato said, nodding.

"See, Kyon?" Haruhi shouted up at me. "Yuki does what she's asked without complaining!"

"Well, that's the whole point of being a robot." I muttered under my breath.

"Kyon." Nagato said softly. Don't even ask how I heard it.

"What?" I shouted down.

"Come down here." Nagato said.

It only took me a short amount of time to get down to Nagato's level.

"Kyon, it is a physical impossibility to complete a house of Suzumiya Haruhi's expectations within the limited time you have." Nagato said.

"I realize that." I told her.

"I have decided to manipulate the data of the wood in order to-mph." I managed to place my hand over her mouth in time just in case Haruhi was around here somewhere.

"It is alright." Nagato said to me strangely enough when you take into account I had a hand over her mouth. "Suzumiya Haruhi has a detailed hearing radius of within 15 to 20 of your meters, which is very good for a human. At this current moment in time, we are not within Suzumiya Haruhi's hearing range, making it impossible for her to overhear this conversation."

So Nagato really is a ventriloquist.

"I have set up a data creation program which has scanned Suzumiya Haruhi's subconscious mind, and will create her ideal haunted house by the time the day is over." Nagato said. "Unfortunately, while the program is in place, you must make sure not to allow Haruhi Suzumiya or any other outsiders to come near this place. I can create a data field that will make it seem like nothing is happening. However, my data manipulation has no affect over Haruhi Suzumiya."

"So what should I do?" I asked Nagato.

"I believe that the only way to successfully distract Haruhi Suzumiya from coming here is to take her on a social outing with the intention of forming a romantic relationship."

"You mean a date."

"That is what I mean." Nagato said, nodding.

"Not going to happen." I said. "I don't find her attractive in any way, shape, or form."

"Your voice went up an octave, your heartbeat went up in speed several beats, along with the fact that the blood in your head has gathered around you cheeks and nasal area." Nagato pointed out.

"So?" I asked.

"You are obviously lying. Truthfully, you believe that Haruhi Suzumiya, or at least certain parts of her are attractive."

"Okay, fine, I do. But a date? What would we even do? The only thing that can actually be referred to as a date by us is that one time we went looking for suspicious activity, and even then it was only for about forty minutes." I explained.

"Incorrect. Out of the 15,532 times that the time span of August 18th to August 31st repeated itself, you went on dates with Suzumiya Haruhi 7891 times, Mikuru Asahina 1349 times, myself 1684 times, and Itsuki Koizumi-mph."

"Let's not go into details about that, okay?" I asked, removing my hand from her mouth.

"Affirmative. But the only way that can prevent Haruhi Suzumiya from inspecting this area is to have the two of you go on a date."

"Seriously?" I asked.

"The only options are the one I just gave you and to work night and day for no reason." Nagato told me.

* * *

"Haruhi, can I ask you something?" I asked, walking up to where we had agreed to meet at the park.

"What did you call me out here for?" Haruhi asked, glaring at me.

"Well, do you want to go out on a date with me?" I asked.

"Okay." Haruhi said, turning away.

"Wait, what?" I asked. "Did you just agree to go out with me?"

"Didn't that moron Taniguchi tell you that I've never refused to go out with someone?" Haruhi asked, turning to me. "Although it's pretty much a waste of time, since I don't expect someone like you to be mysterious."

Ouch. That really hurts my self-esteem, you know that?

"Well, we might as well go get something food, okay?" Haruhi asked, standing up from the bench.

"Okay." I agreed.

"And you're going to pay, right?" Haruhi asked.

Why do you always assume that I'm made of money? I can't buy food for you your whole life.

* * *

"Alright, Kyon, here's the bill." Haruhi said, handing me the bill, which was 3000 yen. How the hell can she eat that much food by herself? I only had freaking soda!

"Alright, Kyon, let's go." Haruhi said, pulling me out of the restaurant by my tie as soon as I put the money down.

I would like to finish my soda, thank you very much.

"Alright, Kyon, let's go see a movie." Haruhi said, dragging me towards the movie theater.

"Two tickets to 'The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya', please." Haruhi told the ticket woman.

"Sorry, we are all sold out for that movie." The woman said, smiling.

"Darn it." Haruhi said. "Fine, we might as well go find something else to do."

"How about we do what I want to do for once?" I asked.

"We don't have time for jokes, Kyon." Haruhi said, pondering what to do for a while.

"I've got it!" Haruhi said, smiling. "Let's watch horror movies!"

Oh god, no. I thought. Haruhi dragged me all the way to her house, and plopped down in front of her TV.

"Kyon, go get me a soda." Haruhi ordered.

"Didn't we just eat?" I asked.

"Get. Me. A. Soda." Haruhi ordered.

"Yes ma'am." I said, walking over to her refrigerator, and grabbed a soda out of the rack.

"Bring it here, then place one of the DVD's in the player." Haruhi said.

All in all, it was a nice evening. Minus the nightmares.

* * *

"Well, Kyon." A voice said. The owner of the voice was crouched on a tree branch, hidden in the nights' darkness, looking into Kyon's room through the window. "You seem to be having fun."

Snap.

"Ow! That hurt, damn it!" The man shouted.

"Fujiwara, you looked really creepy just then." Kyoko said, staring at the injured Fujiwara, clutching his leg in pain.

"Don't just sit there, get a doctor, damn it!" Fujiwara shouted.

* * *

Mukuro: So, what is the Anti-SOS Brigade planning?

Mukuro Out.


	5. Chapter 5

Mukuro: Alright, what is the Anti-SOS planning?

Halloween with the Brigade 2

Chapter 5: The Planning of the Anti-SOS Brigade

* * *

"Alright, so let's go over it one more time." Fujiwara said, smiling. He and the rest of the SOS Brigade, Sasaki, Kyoko, and Kuyo, were seated at a table in a café.

"Right!" Kyoko said, smiling. "We're going to burn down their haunted house tomorrow morning!"

"That seems a little violent." Sasaki said.

"So?" Fujiwara and Kyoyo asked.

"…Never mind, go ahead…" Sasaki sighed, reaching for her soda. "I'm just going to stay out of this…"

"Alright, let's stake the place out." Fujiwara said, standing up. "Let's go. "

"Right!" Kyoyko said, walking after Fujiwara, with Kuyo Suo right behind her.

"Well, this should be good…" Sasaki said, yawning.

* * *

"So that's the haunted house." Fujiwara said, looking through his binoculars at the house that Nagato built.

"Fujiwara, why are you dressed like a military commando?" Kyoko asked, looking at Fujiwara, laying on the ground, dressed from head to toe in camouflage. "I mean, this isn't a war."

"Yes, it is a war." Fujiwara said, not looking up. "A war against the SOS Brigade."

"That reminds me." Kyoko said. "Why exactly are we called the 'Anti-SOS Brigade'? Couldn't they come up with a better name for us?"

"Couldn't who come up with a better name for us?" Fujiwara asked, looking up.

"Well, I don't know." Kyoko said. "I think that it's just a name we happened to get somewhere or another, and it stuck."

"What is this, a complaint department?" Fujiwara asked.

"This is a stake-out, remember?" Kyoko said. "We should talk during stake-outs, right?"

"Fine." Fujiwara muttered. "What I'm mad about is that I don't have a freaking name!"

"You don't?" Kyoko asked. "What's your real name, then?"

"I don't know." Fujiwara said. "One day I was told that my new assumed name was Fujiwara, and I don't even remember my real name now."

"Wow." Kyoko said. "Another thing I don't like is how no one we know has a last name. I mean, there's you, Sasaki, those two stooges Kunikida and Taniguchi, and Tsuruya. There are even people like The Student Council Chairman and The Computer Research Society President who don't even have a name."

"…I think you're looking into this a little too much." Fujiwara said.

"Well, this isn't some sort of manga series a novel. Everyone has a name! Even people who don't have any relevance to us." Kyoko explained.

"Alright, fine…" Fujiwara muttered. "Let's go back to the café to come up with a battle plan."

* * *

"Huh?" I said, looking over at the hills behind the haunted house.

"Hey, have you ever felt like you were being watched?" I asked Nagato.

"No." Nagato said.

"Well, that's strange." I said, looking around. "Because I'm feeling it now."

"It will pass." Nagato said, thumbing another page.

* * *

"Alright, we'll strike at dawn!" Fujiwara said, putting his foot on top of the coffee table in Sasaki's apartment.

"Feet off the table." Sasaki ordered.

"Fine…" Fujiwara muttered, placing his foot down on the floor, before sitting back down. "So, as I said, we'll attack the SOS Brigade at sunrise."

"Hey, Fujiwara, can you do me a favor?" Kyoko asked.

"What?" Fujiwara asked.

"Can you not be yourself for a while?" Kyoko asked.

"What? You want me to be someone else? Well who do you want me to be?" Fujiwara asked.

"Yes. Be someone else, anyone else." Kyoko said.

"What are you guys talking about?" Sasaki asked. "Seriously, you guys have been hard to understand ever since you two started going out with each other."

"What? We aren't going out with each other." Kyoko said, shaking her head. "Relationships are a waste of time."

"And stop reading my diary." Sasaki ordered.

"You don't have any books, so there's nothing to read."

"Sure I do." Sasaki said. "There's 'Advanced Quantum Physics' and 'How to build a geothermal reactor'."

"Those books are too hard!" Kyoko shouted.

"How about a novel?"

"To hard."

"A children's book?" Sasaki asked.

"Still to hard."

"A book with more pictures than words?" Sasaki asked.

"That'll do."

"Get help." Sasaki said, patting her friend on the shoulder.

"Hey, Fujiwara, did you gather the kindling together at the haunted house?" Kyoko asked, changing the subject.

"Yep. It's gathered in a pile right behind the house." Fujiwara said.

* * *

"Hey, Kyon, what are all these sticks doing over here?" Haruhi asked from behind the house.

"I don't know." I said. "I guess they were just left over from the house construction."

"Well, let's get rid of them." Haruhi said. "Kyon, go haul these away."

Saw that one coming. Sighing, I picked up the sticks one by one and brought them to another pile on the sidewalk.

After about an hours' worth of work, I finally managed to get all the sticks in an equally large pile on the sidewalk.

"Okay, guys, let's start putting up the horror things!" Haruhi shouted.

Oh my god. "Haven't I done enough?" I asked.

"Kyon, I don't have time for stupid questions like that." Haruhi told me. "Haven't you already heard that answer like half a million times?"

Yes. Yes I have.

* * *

"Alright, start by putting those red curtains on the sides of the walls." Haruhi ordered. "Kimidori-san gave me a guidebook on what to do."

"Haruhi, can I ask you a question?" I asked.

"You just did." Haruhi said.

"Okay, another question."

"Sorry Kyon, one question per person." Haruhi said, not looking up from the manga she was reading.

"Haruhi!"

"Fine…" Haruhi muttered. "What is it?"

"Why haven't we had any school today?" Kyon asked. "Or for the whole week for that matter?"

"Kyon, why do you always have to ask stupid questions?" Haruhi asked.

It's not a stupid question.

* * *

"Damn you Kyon…" Fujiwara growled, biting his nail. "You have ruined my plans once again!"

"Just deal with it, stupid." Kyoko said, pulling Fujiwara back into the bush the two were hiding behind, spying on the SOS Brigade.

"Damn it all!" Fujiwara shouted to the heavens.

* * *

Mukuro: So, how was that chapter? The Anti-SOS Brigade doesn't get much love, so I decided to pretty much dedicate this chapter to them. Sort of.

Mukuro Out.


	6. Chapter 6

Mukuro: Okay, second to last chapter! The SOS Brigade begins to finish up the house! Will they finish?

Halloween with the Brigade 2

Chapter 6: The Plan Engagement of the Anti-SOS Brigade

* * *

"Alright, we shall now commence with our attack on the SOS Brigade!" Fujiwara said. "Do you all have the red paint?"

"Yes!" Kyoko said, smiling.

"Excellent…" Fujiwara said, sneering. "Get ready to pay, Kyon…"

* * *

"Alright, so this skeleton will be impaled in the front room." Haruhi said, making Kunikida shove a spear through the skeleton, before shoving it into the ground. He then placed some fake blood over the spear tip, which dripped down the handle.

"Alright, Kyon, place those two skeletons on top of each other." Haruhi ordered me. I placed the skeletons on top of the bloody couch, with a knife sticking through the both of them, with blood dripping onto the lower skeleton.

"Alright, you guys have done good!" Haruhi said, smiling. "Let's take a short break for a while."

Am I hearing things? Did Haruhi just suggest we take a break? Is this really Haruhi?

"Kyon, go buy a drinks at the convenience store." Haruhi ordered me.

Yes, it's really Haruhi.

"Excellent…" Fujiwara said, smiling. "Now, we'll sneak into the house through the back entrance."

"Fujiwara, what are we going to do?" Kyoko asked.

"Well, Kuoh, paint some of these words onto the walls."

"Affirmative." Kuoh said, dipping her paintbrush into the red paint, and began painting.

* * *

"Okay, Kyon, now that you're back, let's get back to work." Haruhi said, standing up.

No relaxing for me, huh?

"Hey, Kyon, what is this?" Haruhi shouted to me from one of the rooms further inside the house. I made my way through the maze of bodies and piles of things I don't even want to identify, until I reached the room Haruhi was standing in, where she was pointing at a red sentence scrawled on the wall.

"Kyon, who wrote 'all of you will die' on the wall?" Haruhi asked.

"I don't know." I told her.

"Well, it's excellent! We need to write more stuff like this!" Haruhi said, smiling.

"Darn you all…" Fujiwara growled.

"Kyon, hang some of those bleeding streamers from the ceiling." Haruhi said. "They'll look creepy."

"Fine…" I sighed, getting on top of the stool, and reached up to fasten a streamer to the ceiling, as the blood dripped down to the ground in a puddle. I then moved the stool over to another portion, and repeated the process.

"Hey, Haruhi, do you know where Kimidori-san is?" I asked.

"I don't know." Haruhi said. "We haven't talked since the shopping trip."

* * *

"I'm a major character…" Emiri said, curled up in the corner of her house, shaking. "I'm a major character… I'm a major character…"

* * *

"Kyon, can you go get Mikuru?" Haruhi shouted to me.

"Why do I have to?" I asked, stepping down off the stool, finished with the last of the streamers.

"Just do it. I want to dress her up in my newest costume."

"Fine, I'll get her…" I muttered, finding my way out of the house. "Asahina-san, Haruhi wants to see you."

"About what?" Asahina-san asked, looking at me.

"Run." I told her.

"What?" Asahina-san asked.

"Run." I repeated.

"Mikuruuuuu!" Haruhi said, walking out, grabbing Mikuru by the wrist, dragging her into the outhouse.

God what I wouldn't give to be able to see what's going on in there.

"Kyon, look!" Haruhi said, walking out of the outhouse, with Mikuru dressed in a ghost outfit. She wore a white robe, and her hair was bleached white.

"Whoa, that looks really hot…" Taniguchi said, smiling. Watch it, pal.

"Okay, guys, get back to work!" Haruhi ordered.

"Okay, I've finished splattering the red paint around one of the rooms." Kyoko said, smiling.

* * *

"Hey, Kyon, get in here!" Haruhi shouted.

"What?" I asked, walking into the room she was standing in this time. "Whoa, what happened here?"

"I don't know." Haruhi said. "Someone splattered red paint all over the room and everything in it."

"Who would do something like that?" I asked. "I mean, after all, why…?"

"Well, whoever it is, I would like to thank them." Haruhi said, smiling. "I mean, it was genius! Not as genius as my ideas, but still great, nonetheless."

Yeah, real modest there.

"Darn you all…" Fujiwara growled.

"Gee, this isn't working." Kyoko said. "So, how can we do any more of this?"

"Alright, I've got it." Fujiwara said. "It's time to go out for a frontal assault."

"Charge!" Fujiwara shouted, leaping from the bushes, lunging at the SOS Brigade.

Nagato held up her hand, and suddenly, the three of them fell unconscious.

"Wow, Yuki, what was that?" Haruhi asked.

"Sleep spray…" Nagato said, holding up a can of "sleep spray". "They should wake up within twenty-four hours."

"Wow…" I said. "So what should we do with them now?"

"Simple." Haruhi said, smiling. "Kyon, go get the shovel."

"What? Why?" I asked.

"Well, we need a hole, don't we?"

"Wait, are you suggesting we bury them alive?" I asked.

"Of course not." Haruhi said, smiling.

"Good."

"We'll kill them first."

"Wait, what?" I asked, stunned.

"Geez, Kyon, I'm kidding." Haruhi said. "Put them in corpse outfits in one of the rooms."

"Fine…" I said, picking up Fujiwara by the shirt, dragging him into one of the rooms. I hardly ever get to drag people, so this was a rare opportunity.

"Hey, Kyon, let's get back to work and finish the house." Haruhi told me. "Today's almost over."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I said, walking out of the house, as I began to work on the outside.

"Oh, and Kyon?" Haruhi called.

"What?" I asked.

"You need to work all night, got it?" Haruhi asked.

Damn.

* * *

Mukuro: So, we only have one chapter left. How will Halloween fare to the group?

Mukuro Out.


	7. Chapter 7

Mukuro: Alright, the last chapter is finally up on Halloween Night. Which is why I waited so long. But for people out trick or treating, they probably won't read this for a while. Well, no matter. With this chapter, the week long story comes to an end. And to make things clear, this will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. It was an experiment to see if I could do it. but that doesn't matter.

Halloween with the Brigade 2

Chapter 7: A Night of "Horrors"

* * *

"Alright, SOS brigade." Haruhi said, looking out over the street, with her head held high. "This is the moment we have all been waiting for. Many kids will be coming by today, and it is our job to scare them enough to drop their candy!"

Ah, so that's what she's after.

"We will be scaring many souls in our battle today." Haruhi said, smiling. "Right, Jason?"

"…" The man in the hockey mask just stood there, not saying a word.

"Haruhi, where exactly did you find this guy?" I asked.

"Oh, I found him by some lake. He's not Freddy Krueger, but he'll do." Haruhi smiled.

"Oh, I see." I said, rolling my eyes. "I'm sure that was intelligent."

"Alright, let's get ready for the trick-or-treaters!" Haruhi said, smiling.

"Um, Haruhi, shouldn't we put up advertising posters?" I asked. "If we don't kno

* * *

I really need to keep my mouth shut.

"Why do I have to do this?" I asked myself, posting up another advertisement. "Mister, do you know why I have to do this?" I asked a random bystander.

"No, I don't." The man said, walking away.

"I really should just leave." I said, placing another poster in a spot down the block. "Mister, can I just leave?" I asked the same random bystander.

"Well, I guess you can leave." The man said.

"No, I can't, because Haruhi will yell at me." I told him, as he walked away.

After what took (believe me) a very long time, I managed to get all the posters up as the sun began sinking.

"Alright, Kyon, are you ready to see these little children terrified out of their wits?" Haruhi asked.

"Sure, why not." Saying yes is probably the safest thing to do, after all.

* * *

"Hey, Kyon, can I ask you something?" Haruhi asked.

"What?"

"Why do you think no one's coming into the haunted house?" Haruhi and I were looking through the view screens at each room, (don't even ask me how they were installed. I'll have to thank Nagato for that) which had very few kids in them.

"Damn it, Kyon, I was your job to make sure that people actually came to this thing! Without them, it was a complete waste of my time."

Your time? Excuse me, _your_ time? What exactly have you contributed to this project other than your namesake as "Haruhi's House of Horrors"? I'm the one who's been doing all the work!

Of course, do to my lack of guts to stand up to Haruhi, I didn't have the guts to say it. Well, it seems like this week was a complete waste of mine (and your) time.

"Wait, Kyon, look at the monitor!" Haruhi said excitedly, pointing at a group of elementary school kids walking through the front door.

"Wait, that's my sister and her friends!" I exclaimed, sitting up from my slouched position in one of the two chairs, now staring intently at the monitor. My sister was indeed in that group, along with her friend Miyoko. Also in the group were some boys from her class, who were trying to show off their toughness to the girls. It was quite obvious that they didn't regard this haunted house as scary in the least, but I'll let Haruhi have her fun.

The group of preteens made their way through Nagato's sci-fi battle section, past Mikuru's "haunted shrine" to Koizumi's (rather impressive) horror montage. It was a series of large video screens (again, don't ask me how) playing scarier clips from horror movies. It was at this point that some of the people faltered. I guess it was smart thinking on Koizumi's part to instead of creating his own scenes, he just took scarier clips from horror stories.

The group made it through several more rooms, before they arrived at a room that, unfortunately, was where I put the Anti-SOS Brigade (dressed as zombies) in. And wouldn't you know it that spray was starting to wear off.

"Ugh… My head is killing me…" Fujiwara said, sitting up.

"Mine to…" Kyoko said, rubbing her temples. "What happened?"

"Z-z-zombies!" My sister shouted, pointing a shaking finger.

"Hey, you're Kyons' sister, aren't you?" Fujiwara demanded, walking up to her.

"Y-yes…" My sister replied, shaking.

"Okay, where is he?" Fujiwara demanded, placing his hands on his shoulders, shaking her fiercely.

"Hey, let go of her!" One of the boys said, kicking Fujiwara in the place you do not want to be kicked, dropping him to the ground.

"How dare you threaten a girl?" Another boy demanded, kicking the still groggy Fujiwara in the stomach.

As the boys each took turns kicking Fujiwara while he was down, the other two members of the Anti-SOS Brigade wisely decided to sneak around them and make their way out of the haunted house.

* * *

So, while we only had a single party of people come into the haunted house, Fujiwara ended up leaving even more pissed but still looking like crap. So, I guess we can safely call this night a victory. However, nothing is ever enough for Haruhi, as I was sure we would soon be celebrating another holiday in an even more eccentric manner then we celebrated this one.

* * *

Mukuro: So, it was a short (and probably disappointing) finish. But as I've stated, these aren't supposed to be stories, they're supposed to be celebrations of a holiday. That means that they should have little to no plot, resolution, or anything other than satire, which I believe I had enough of. However, for all of you out there who were expecting more:

I AM VERY SORRY.

Also, I put a very subtle joke in this chapter. Then again, I'm not exactly the most subtle person, so it may be a little obvious. Once again, I'm sorry, but I hope you will come see my next holiday story.

Mukuro Out.


End file.
